Beck Thompson is the owner and Founder of The Relationship Circle, an award-winning Relationship Coach, and #1 International Best Selling Author. She believes that when life throws you relationship curve balls, you need to dig deep, face the true issues and get real strategies that work.
So… your partner seems distant and there isn’t as much fun in your relationship as there used to be … and the sex is basically non-existent. She says everything is “fine”, but you have heard that before and your spidey senses are telling you that is not the entire truth.
You know something needs to shift but you don’t know what to do and where to start
One thing to put on the table is that due to the pandemic, couples are spending an unprecedented amount of time together and are living in each other’s pocket more than ever before. This has caused many relationships to break down and many couples have lost the spark they once had. Just as highly regarded therapist, Esther Perel, says:
“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery…. But too often, as couples settle into the comforts of love, they cease to fan the flame of desire. They forget that fire needs air.”
Let’s see if we can fan the flame of desire again.
How to get the relationship spark back
Below I have listed 3 ways that you can reignite that spark in your relationship to get it back to how it once was.
- Date again! Create a surprise date experience for your partner, think of something your partner would love and just let them know the date, time and what to wear and you organise the rest. Your partner might just love nothing more than having everything organised for them,as it shows that you care and you are putting in effort.
- Bring back the fun. So often as adults we get so serious and we forget the importance of fun and play in our relationships. When a couple first meets they usually engage in many fun activities and spend a lot of quality time together. Over time many things get in the way of that fun, and it goes further down the list of priorities. We can tend to attach being serious to the relationship being serious. So, dedicate some time to bringing back the fun, play and laughter. Think about when you were a kid – what did you enjoy doing that made you laugh, forget how old you are “supposed” to be, let go and enjoy yourselves. Again, be the one to instigate play! Whether it’s mini golf, bowling, or shopping for properties you can’t afford – find what will make you laugh and look back on these moments.
- Take a trip down memory lane. Think back to the first time you met your partner… to the first time you were attracted to them and started to fall for them. What was it that drew you to them? Was it their smile, their intellect, their attention to detail? Start daydreaming and really take yourself back to those moments of attraction, both physically and emotionally. Take time to write down all these memories, then sit together and reminisce about those times (maybe even over a glass of wine). I would also suggest posting them as love notes all over the house for your partner to read.
It is absolutely possible to get the relationship spark back! Keeping the spark alive takes commitment, dedication and time, but the flame is usually there to be relit. Once you have relit that flame, remember to keep engaging in activities, such as the ones above to keep that fire burning.
You’ve got this!